101 Funny Christmas Quotes for Your Friends, Family and Instagram (and Less Stress)
Christmas is here (or at least soon, depending on what day you’re reading this).
A time of the year that can be joyful and peaceful. But also stressful as you still have plenty of shopping, cooking and cleaning to do.
So to help you to keep this holiday lighter and less stressful I’d like to share 101 funny Christmas quotes in today’s post.
I hope you’ll find something here to relieve some of that inner pressure and stress that both you and your friends, family and boyfriend or girlfriend might be feeling.
So that you all can enjoy Christmas more fully.
Funny Christmas Quotes and Sayings
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.”
– Shirley Temple
“Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.”
– Andy Borowitz
“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.”
– Phyllis Diller
“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”
– Jerry Seinfeld
“I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.”
– Henry Youngman
“Some people are born for Halloween, and some are just counting the days until Christmas.”
– Stephen Graham Jones
“Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.”
– Kin Hubbard
“Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.”
– Larry Wilde
“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, ‘Toys not included.’”
– Bernard Manning
“Christmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.”
– Wendy Cope
“Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.”
– Matt Bellassai
“Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.”
– Johnny Carson
“Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.”
– Victor Borge
“What I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.”
– Don Marquis
“I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.”
– Henny Youngman
“Dear Santa, I’ve been good all year… Okay, most of the time… Once in a while… Never mind, I’ll buy my own stuff.”
– Dave Chappelle
“Christmas is really for children. But we adults can enjoy it too, until the credit card bills arrive.”
– Melanie White
“Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful. Except my bank account.”
– Carrie Fisher
“Christmas: the only time of year you can sit in front of a dead tree eating candy out of socks.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear. And then immediately apologizing to everyone around you.”
– Bill Murray
Funny Christmas Quotes for Your Boyfriend or Girlfriend
“All I want for Christmas is you… to gain weight with me.”
– Mindy Kaling
“You know you’re getting old when Santa starts looking younger.”
– Robert Paul
“The best present on Christmas is spending time with the one you love while wearing matching ugly sweaters.”
– Tina Fey
“I love you more than Santa loves cookies, and that’s saying something.”
– Jennifer Weiner
“If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard.”
– Christina Lauren
“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”
– Rainbow Rowell
“You put the ‘merry’ in my Christmas, and the ‘happy’ in my holidays.”
– David Sedaris
“A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.”
– Garrison Keillor
“Relationships are like Christmas lights: they look like a tangled mess when stored away, half of them don’t work, and finding the one that does is worth the effort.”
– Taylor Jenkins Reid
“Let’s cuddle and watch Christmas movies until we forget what day it is.”
– Jenny Han
“My idea of Christmas is having you under the mistletoe at every chance I get.”
– Nicholas Sparks
“There’s no experience quite like cutting your own live Christmas tree out of your neighbor’s yard.”
– Dan Florence
“Christmas is like candy; it slowly melts in your mouth sweetening every taste bud, making you wish it could last forever. And me? I’m like fruitcake – you either love me or hate me.”
– Chelsea Handler
“Let’s be naughty and save Santa the trip.”
– Gary Allan
“The only time of year I don’t need an excuse to kiss you under random decorations.”
– Sophie Kinsella
“You’re the holiday spirit I don’t want to return.”
– John Green
“I got you a present, but I ate it. Sorry, not sorry.”
– Amy Schumer
“The best gift around the Christmas tree is the presence of family wrapped in love. But your gift better be good too.”
– Karen Helton
“Christmas magic is silent. You don’t hear it – you feel it, you know it, you believe it. Kind of like how I feel about you.”
– Rhonda Byrne
“You’re the jingle to my bells.”
– Lauren Blakely
“The best Christmas gift is me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t fit in the stocking.”
– Sarah Dessen
Funny Christmas Quotes for Instagram and Your Christmas Cards
“Dear Santa, define ‘good.’”
– Sarah Morgan
“All I want for Christmas is a six-month vacation… twice a year.”
– Lucy Score
“It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas!”
– Catherine Ryan Hyde
“It’s that special time of year when your whole family gathers together in one place to look at their cellphones.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“Keep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.”
– Emma Chase
“Christmas calories don’t count. That’s why Santa is fat.”
– Debbie Macomber
“Christmas is mostly for children. But we adults can enjoy it too, until the credit card bills arrive.”
– Unknown
“Deck the halls with lots of selfies, fa la la la la, la la la la!”
– Rainbow Rowell
“May your Christmas be filled with laughter, love, and leftover pie for breakfast.”
– Jenny Holiday
“I’m dreaming of a white Christmas. But if the white runs out, I’ll drink the red.”
– Dave Barry
“This holiday season, let’s make it our mission to eat more pie than last year. We can do this!”
– Kristin Hannah
“May your days be merry and bright, and may all your Christmases be spent in pajamas.”
– Sophie Hannah
“Dear Santa, I can explain…”
– Meg Cabot
“The best present under the tree is a nap. Change my mind.”
– Beth O’Leary
“Christmas is getting all you can get while the getting is good.”
– Sally Brown (from A Charlie Brown Christmas)
“Dear Santa, I was framed!”
– Jill Shalvis
“This year, let’s get the ‘present’ right and worry about the ‘future’ later.”
– Lucy Parker
“Christmas cheer? I thought you said Christmas beer.”
– Elle Kennedy
“Santa saw your Instagram posts. You’re getting a Bible and coal.”
– Christina Lauren
“If you see me eating Christmas cookies this month, mind your own business. I’m on a holiday diet.”
– Tessa Bailey
Funny Christmas Quotes to Friends
“One can never have enough socks. Another Christmas has come and gone and I didn’t get a single pair.”
– Helen Fielding
“Christmas is a time when you get homesick – even when you’re home.”
– Carol Nelson
“A friend is like a Christmas miracle: rare, wonderful, and best enjoyed with cookies.”
– Jojo Moyes
“Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.”
– Marian Keyes
“My friend’s idea of being festive is wearing a red sweater instead of black.”
– Colleen Hoover
“Christmas is a time to appreciate the original friend request – the one Mary got from the angel.”
– Beth O’Leary
“A true friend helps you wrap presents, a best friend helps you wrap the ones for their own gift.”
– Christina Lauren
“The phrase ‘Merry Christmas’ has 86,400 interpretations among friends. Yours is probably the weirdest.”
– Taylor Jenkins Reid
“Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa.”
– Matt Groening
“It’s always consoling to know that today’s Christmas gifts are tomorrow’s garage sales.”
– Milton Berle
“The ideal Christmas gift is money, but the trouble is you can’t charge it.”
– Bill Vaughan
“I haven’t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.”
– Winston Spear
“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.”
– Andy Borowitz
“Santa Claus wears a red suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist.”
– Arlo Guthrie
“Adults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.”
– Erma Bombeck
“The older you get, the harder it is to find someone who gives a damn about Christmas as much as you do.”
– Sophie Kinsella
“Christmas is the time to tell your friends they’re all terrible gift-givers, but you love them anyway.”
– Emily Henry
“Remember, if Christmas isn’t found in your heart, you won’t find it under a tree. But checking both places doesn’t hurt.”
– Kristen Ashley
“Friends are the family you choose, especially when they help you hide the evidence of Christmas shopping.”
– Sally Thorne
Short and Funny Christmas Quotes for Your Letterboard
“Believe in Santa at your own risk.”
– Rita Rudner
“Coffee first, Christmas second.”
– Jill Shalvis
“Ho Ho Holy expensive!”
– Christina Lauren
“Naughty is the new nice.”
– Emily Henry
“Christmas calories don’t count.”
– Debbie Macomber
“Dear Santa, send help.”
– Colleen Hoover
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.”
– Phyllis Diller
“I’m only a morning person on December 25th.”
– Lucy Parker
“Silent night? Not at this party!”
– Tessa Bailey
“Keep calm and pretend it’s Christmas.”
– Jenny Holiday
“Mistletoe and wine make everything fine.”
– Sarah Morgan
“Christmas chaos coordinator.”
– Beth O’Leary
“This is my Christmas pajama.”
– Unknown
“Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.”
– Ellen DeGeneres
“Eat, drink, and be broke.”
– Elle Kennedy
“I’m dreaming of a wine Christmas.”
– Jasmine Guillory
“Feast mode activated.”
– Helen Hoang
“Dear Santa, I’ve been good-ish.”
– Sophie Kinsella
“Deck the halls with lots of shopping.”
– Lucy Score
Want more inspiration for a fun and joyful Christmas? Check out these 101 inspirational Christmas quotes and also the 120 short Christmas quotes in this post.
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Anderson RM, Heesterbeek H, Klinkenberg D, Hollingsworth TD (March 2020).
“How will country-based mitigation measures influence the course of the COVID-19 epidemic?”.
NHK. NHK. 20 March 2020. 2020年3月24日閲覧。 2020年3月12日閲覧。 2016年10月9日閲覧。 2020年4月17日閲覧。 Reuters.
30 January 2020. 2020年2月1日時点のオリジナルよりアーカイブ。 The Spinoff.
2020年3月26日時点のオリジナルよりアーカイブ。 The
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2022年11月11日閲覧。読売新聞 (2022年11月16日).
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“ひろゆき氏「2ちゃんねる賠償金に向き合え」の声に反論「具体的に誰に向き合えばいいんですか？ “ひろゆき氏、「2ちゃんねる」の賠償金”30億円”踏み倒しは「全く悪いと思ってない。 エスペラントにはスペイン語、現代ヘブライ語、現代ギリシア語などと同様に5つの母音がある。 『元史』巻十二 本紀第十二 世祖九 至元十九年九月壬申の条「敕平灤、高麗、耽羅及揚州、隆興、泉州、共造大小船、三千艘。 「「数十万人の命を救えた可能性がある」米国のコロナワクチン接種率低い州 高い州に比べて死亡者２倍」まいどなニュース、2022年12月9日。
（東遊運動）が、フランスとの衝突を恐れた明治政府の意向により、日本がベトナムに強く加担することはなかった。 タン（英語版）、北部バクザン省に根拠地を築き、トンキンの首府ハノイを幾度も脅かしたイェンテ起義の指導者ホアン・ “ニュースリリース＞2013年度一覧＞東アジア地域包括的経済連携(RCEP)交渉の第3回会合が開催されました”.
また、琉球放送の英語放送が停波。神のみに認められる最高の礼拝行為を英語またはラテン語でlatriaと言う。伊奴寝子社（いぬねこしゃ）は神奈川県座間市にある座間神社の境内社。 “座間神社 ご祈祷案内 伊奴寝子社の由来”.
「前橋の高齢者2人強盗殺人 上告を棄却
T被告の死刑が確定へ」『上毛新聞』上毛新聞社、2020年9月9日。 1986年 – 日本鉄道創業の地である汐留貨物駅（旧新橋駅）がこの日最終運行。立憲民主党は改選議席を13減らすなど振るわなかった一方で日本維新の会が30議席伸ばす躍進となった。
30 April 2020. 2020年6月8日閲覧。 19 April 2020. 2020年6月13日閲覧。 ORICON NEWS.
2020年6月21日閲覧。 26 April 2020. 2020年4月26日閲覧。 SankeiBiz.
12 August 2020. 2020年9月14日閲覧。 7 September 2020.
2020年9月14日閲覧。 NHKニュース. 2021年3月31日閲覧。 2021年3月31日閲覧。山田哲人、開幕へ意気込み「状態をマックスに」 ４度目トリプルスリーへ「今年はどんどん走る」」『サンスポ』2022年3月11日。深見西五丁目 1984年8月6日 1984年8月6日 大字深見字沖野・
SAMURAI BLUE、代表デビュー小川選手が3得点など香港に勝利 ～EAFF E-1サッカー選手権2019～ JFA公式サイト.2019年12月15日付。 SAMURAI
BLUE、井手口選手のゴールで白星発進 ～EAFF E-1サッカー選手権 KOREA
DPR戦～ JFA公式サイト. 10月1日：東海道新幹線が開業50周年を迎え、東京駅、静岡駅、名古屋駅、新大阪駅で記念の出発式を開催。名鉄名古屋駅）が開業。
中央地区を中心とした中部地区（相模原警察署管内）、相模大野を中心とした南部地区（相模原南警察署管内）の概ね3地区に分けられている。 なお、旧軍施設の中には戦後、米軍に接収されたものも多く、現在も返還されていない区域が旧相模原市域の面積の約5%を占める。現在では旧軍都計画区域を中心とする北半部および南東部の小田急線沿線はほぼ完全に市街化しているが、南区麻溝台・
西日本スポーツ (西日本新聞社).新幹線車掌として名古屋運輸区に所属。 これは、トヨタカップや1964年東京オリンピックの会場として世界的に知名度の高い新宿区の国立霞ヶ丘競技場が観客席への屋根設置（スタジアムの観客席の3分の2が屋根に覆われている事）などの改修条件を満たせなかった上に、2013年（平成25年）に開催予定の「多摩国体」用のメインスタジアムの整備計画もまだ確定していなかったからである（多摩国体用のメインスタジアムは後に東京スタジアムとして整備された）。
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“安倍晋三元首相が死去 67歳、演説中に銃で撃たれる”.
日本経済新聞 (2022年7月8日). 2024年5月21日閲覧。 “安倍晋三元首相が死去 67歳 奈良で遊説中、銃撃受け”.
“安倍元首相 血を流し倒れる 銃声のような音も 奈良市で演説中”.
“安倍元首相、撃たれ心肺停止 演説中に襲った41歳男逮捕”.林みづき、村瀬達男 (2022年7月28日).
“救急隊員ら6人がPTSD疑い 安倍氏銃撃時の救命記録を公開”.
“日本の川 – 関東 – 相模川 – 国土交通省水管理・ “日髙のり子さんが、深夜に、生登場！
サッカー北朝鮮代表における在日選手の表記法は、Jリーグにおける来日選手と同じ（それ以外の選手はカタカナ表記）。 イタリックの預言者はラビ文学以外に一般的には認められていない預言者である。通称（東海）の音訳ではなく、地理的な意味も異なっている。
2018年6月25日閲覧。 2014年6月発売。 また、「音声プッシュ通知」サービスに対応したほか、「置き時計機能」では、スマートフォンアプリ「LINE」を使って伝言を送信し、モニター上に伝言を通知することが可能となった（絵文字は非対応。 また、クレードル式のモニター用充電台が新たに同梱され、充電台にACアダプターを接続しておくことでモニター部を充電台にセットして充電することが可能となった。
また、エアコンが見えない場所からの遠隔操作の場合は事前に安全を十分確認してから使用する）。
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壱岐島の戦いにより元軍が撤退したという風聞に接していた京都の官務・宇都宮貞綱率いる60,000余騎ともいわれる大軍が北九州の戦場に向けて進撃中であった。 7月27日、鷹島沖に停泊した元軍艦船隊に対して、集結した日本軍の軍船が攻撃を仕掛けて海戦となった。 「正直、公正、ベーシックインカム。、移民規制強化への賛成が過半数を占めた。 トヨタが本社を置く豊田市（旧挙母地域）は愛知県内の東部を占める旧三河国の西部にあり、アイシン精機（現アイシン）や日本電装（現デンソー）が本社を置くのも同じく旧三河国で、豊田自動織機の隆盛の前は農業と小規模な手工業が中心の地域だった。
ただ、現状では、保険会社が整形外科への形式的通院実績を盾にして打ち切りを言ってきます。 これらの問題の根本は、現状、自賠が、整形外科への形式的な通院実績を、傷病の深刻さ、通院費等損害の大きさを判断する物差しとしています。接骨院治療の存在を無視し、整形外科通院日数が少ないから等級を認められないと判断するなど、本来、もってのほかです。 “周到な準備と情報収集が第2回W杯で日本に初勝利をもたらした！開発」で、東証グロース上場の中型案件（想定時価総額244.2億円、吸収金額23.0億円）です。
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2015年1月6日閲覧。 3 January 2015. 2015年1月4日閲覧。 11 January 2015.
2015年1月11日閲覧。 7 January 2015. 2015年9月9日閲覧。 4 January 2015.
2015年1月4日閲覧。 15 January 2015. 2015年1月15日閲覧。
14 January 2015. 2015年1月15日閲覧。 9 January 2015.
2015年1月9日閲覧。
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反対に、リハビリ体制が整っていない整形外科であれば、診断は整形外科で行いリハビリは整骨院で行うことが許可される場合もあります。 また、整形外科よりも通いやすい場所に整骨院があったり、病院よりも待ち時間の少ない整骨院に通いたいと考えていたりする人もいます。整形外科に行けば医師の許可は必ずもらえる？自宅近くに整骨院があったり、勤務時間の関係で整形外科への通院が容易でなかったりする場合など、「とりあえず整骨院でみてもらいたい」と考え、整骨院に通院を始める人もいるでしょう。医師の許可を得ずに整骨院への通院を始めてしまった場合、いったん保険会社が整骨院への通院を認めて費用を負担しても、のちに裁判になった場合などに、施術費用が認められなくなるといった可能性があるからです。
チャンギ国際空港に緊急着陸した。三木に対する憎悪や怨念に突き動かされた田中派は椎名に代わって三木おろしの中核を担うことになり、それにポスト三木を狙う福田派、大平派が同調し、更に中間派も争うように反三木の流れに加担した。海老名駅東口発着系統のうち、厚51以外を藤沢神奈交バス大和営業所へ移管。中学時代について、「中学は荒れすぎて、先生が殴られて失明したり、登校時校門の前の先輩に男子は全員一発殴られるとか、一日で窓ガラスが13枚割れたりと地元でも野蛮で有名な中学だったので、校則が徹底出来ないのが当たり前だった。
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毎日放送は『痛快!袖井林二郎『マッカーサーの二千日』〈中公文庫〉（改版版）、中央公論新社、2004年。初期の例としては、太平洋戦争中、日本軍占領下でのフィリピン独立（フィリピン第二共和国）に伴い、日本の大学で学ぶために来日したフィリピン人学生がいる。南部イタリアから分離することによる北部の経済活性化を主張する同盟が定義する「北イタリア」で、ポー川以北から 旧ヴェネツィア共和国領と チロル地方を除いた場所（ ピエモンテ州、 ロンバルディア州、 リグーリア州、 エミリア＝ロマーニャ州）を指す。 ドイツ軍の他、ルーマニア、ハンガリー、イタリアなどの枢軸軍は6月28日に攻撃を開始し、ドン川の湾曲部からヴォルガ川西岸のスターリングラード、コーカサス地方の油田地帯を目指す。
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平安時代中期より台頭してきた海老名氏がこの地域を所領する。初期のバージョンではパッケージ版としてインストールしたプログラムファイルが既にある場合、ダウンロードの手間をかけずにそれをそのままSteamでも使えるようにコンバートする機能があったが、通信速度の向上とブロードバンドの提供エリアの拡大などにより、現在この機能は廃止されている（新しくライブラリにダウンロードするようになり、ライブラリフォルダに既に置かれていた場合は更新箇所のみダウンロードする）。 この場合、Steamは破損部分のみを再度ダウンロードすることができる。極めて稀に通常のカードとは別分類のキラカードがドロップすることがある。 これは通常レベルアップできないセール用のキラバッジでも同様であり、レベルアップも制限なしに可能。 コミュニティマーケットで使用する仮想通貨「Steam ウォレット」はSteam上の支払い全てに使用可能であり、他のSteam上のゲームやコミュニティアイテムも購入できるため、これらをうまく取引することでゲームの購入額を超える利益を得られる場合がある。
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