Relationship

17 Signs You Might Be A Sapiosexual (Attracted To Intelligence)

We all are attracted to intelligence, or like to think we are. But, when choosing a dating partner, if we have to pick between someone who’s physically attractive but has an average IQ and someone who’s average in the looks department but has a high IQ, 80% of us would go for physical attractiveness. This is not vanity. It’s genetics. Evolution guarantees procreation and the continuation of the species by making humans value a healthy gene pool more than original thoughts.

Nowadays, saying that one is sapiosexual, meaning sexually aroused by intelligence (sapio means wisdom) rather than physical appearance, has become common on online dating apps. The term sapiosexual is fairly new to the sexuality lexicon. Merriam-Webster dates its first known use to 2004, though a LiveJournal user claims to have come up with it in 1998. And it denotes attraction that’s different from simply admiring someone with an intellect that could charm a room or cut through stone.

What Does It Mean To Be Attracted To Intelligence?

When people identify as sapiosexual, meaning they value smarts over looks in potential partners, they mean to say:

  • They find high levels of intelligence or IQ the single most sexually attractive trait in a partner 
  • They only feel aroused by people they feel intellectual attraction toward, irrespective of gender; emotional connection and physical attractiveness rank lower for them
  • In fact, for sapiosexuals, intelligence trumps every other desirable partner trait, like kindness, and it’s the first thing they look for in a potential partner 
  • They get into a relationship to connect with someone at a higher level, not just to appear as or be with the smartest person in the room

There are often big differences in what kinds and levels of intelligence sapiosexuals value in a partner. Psychometric evaluation by researchers has found that people tend to rate an IQ of up to 120 as the most desirable in a long-term partner but find an extremely high IQ (135+) a turn-off. The reason behind this is open to debate  –  which, by the way, sapiosexuals would rate as foreplay.

Saying that your kink is intelligence can be perceived as a way of saying you possess intelligence, too. But many people feel it devalues neurodiversity since intelligence is subjective. For instance, someone may consider the knowledge of potato varieties fascinating, while someone else may think it is good enough only to know what would make the best fries.

Related Reading: The Different Types of Attraction And How To Recognize Them

17 Signs You Might Be A Sapiosexual (Attracted To Intelligence)

In 2018, a study was conducted to determine whether sapiosexuality should be counted among valid sexual orientations or as a fetish. Because sapiosexuality has garnered notoriety for being a pretentious term, anyone saying, “Why am I so attracted to people with high IQ?” tends to invite eye-rolls. Another term used interchangeably with sapiosexuality is sapiophile. However, a sapiophile’s attraction toward intelligent or smart people is romantic rather than sexual. 

In 2017, a dating app called ‘Sapio’ was launched to connect people with the same intellectual level. The app handed people who ranked the brain as the sexiest organ in the body a dating questionnaire of around 300 questions. Though intellect can’t always be measured through questions, a sapiosexual person would surely love the idea of answering a questionnaire, instead of adding emojis while writing their dating profile. Here are some more signs and characteristics of a sapiosexual:

1. You seek deep and intellectual conversations 

You hate small talk and prefer economy in the words that come out of your mouth. This means: 

  • Any talk about the weather, unless you’re discussing climate change, is out the window 
  • The question “How are you?” is not a phatic phrase for you, meant only for a social function 
  • When you ask people about themselves, you do it with genuine interest, which is why it is so excruciating for you to talk to random people
See also  33 Phrases To Shut Down Gaslighting And Silence Gaslighters

At the same time, when you like someone, you fantasize about having stimulating conversations with them and not just superficial exchanges. When you have a thing for intelligence or smart people, conversations are like intellectual journeys from which you emerge with new knowledge. And, with every new word your partner or date says, you are not frowning, wondering what it means, but you’re appreciating the use of a word most people wouldn’t use or know. 

2. You don’t do run-of-the-mill romance

People attracted to intelligence have a hard time finding love using traditional methods. So if you are a sapiosexual, there’s a big chance:

  • You don’t know how to hook up on Tinder 
  • Your dating game isn’t very good in fact
  • You are never really happy with your matches and long to go back to your apartment post first dates to read a book 
  • You have no respect for people who try to hit on you at a bar

You are also ambivalent about casual sex, but you’d be completely okay putting off sex for some great conversation. After all, the first step to turning sapiosexuals on isn’t seduction, but mental stimulation.

Related Reading: 110 Conversation Starters For Couples

3. You appreciate semantics

Which is just a fancy way of saying that you’re a grammar nazi. In fact, people who identify as sapiosexual are more likely to tell people:

  • The difference between there, their, and they’re 
  • The correct pronunciation of jalapeño
  • That stadia is the plural of stadium, not stadiums

They are also willing to spare time to run fact-checks on social media posts and leave lengthy comments. All this makes their family and friends worry that they’re going to die alone. But they don’t care. 

They’re happy being the only ones laughing at sapiosexual jokes. Or, correcting anyone who says sapiosexuality isn’t a sexual identity and a sapiosexual flag isn’t a thing. (By some counts there are anywhere between three to twenty versions of the sapiosexual flag. The original has ​​three horizontal stripes: dark green, brown, and blue.)

4. Your idea of a first date is a discussion

When you are attracted to intelligence, your idea of a successful first date is an intense conversation about your life or life as a concept. While people think about what to talk about on a first date, you probe each other to find out what you like and why you like it. 

This is why you hate going to bars or clubs on a first date. You’d rather go to a museum and pick each other’s brains about the impact of the Second World War on Picasso’s art. You are also less likely to get sexually involved on the first date. You would much prefer to get to know your date first.

5. You are turned on by knowledge

The romantic or sexual attraction you feel depends on perceived intelligence. Intelligence here often doesn’t mean IQ, but possession of knowledge that you would value. If your partner or date’s explanation of subjects such as quantum physics and their intellectual curiosity are huge mental turn-ons for you, then it’s possible you could identify as sapiosexual.

Related Reading: 18 Scientifically Backed Things That Turn Women On

6. You look for culture instead of partying on vacations

Attraction to intelligence means that your idea of the perfect vacation includes exploring the culture of a new place, instead of drinking and partying. So, when you travel with your partner, you’re likely to go to a place with museums and old villages and places of historical importance. While everybody would be hunting for crop tops to wear to Coachella, you’re likely to be sewing a historically accurate Anne Boleyn costume for the Renaissance Fair. 

7. Your idea of a great date is challenging each other

Couples who identify as sapiosexual love to challenge each other in the growth of their intellect. People who are turned on by intelligence love to do things that they have not done before, like learning a new language or taking online classes in photography. 

See also  Emotional Intelligence Skillset

Heard of couples who like to organize treasure hunts for anniversaries? Or, those who, at a pool party, criticize the decision to award both Atwood and Evaristo the Booker Prize? Chances are they might not be uppity as everyone claims, they could just be sapiosexuals. And if you are interested in that sort of thing, you may be, too.

8. Your attraction to intelligence doesn’t get affected by other factors

Because sapiosexuals are attracted to the contents of someone’s mind and not their physicality: 

  • They’re likely to fare better in long-distance relationships
  • They’re also less likely to get jealous or insecure since for them, the relationship is not about belonging to someone, it’s about having an intellectual connection 

People who identify as sapiosexual also care little about other people’s opinions about their partners. This means that the crazy things people do to impress others don’t have an impact on sapiosexuals. They’re only impressed by what people say, and not their possessions, age, or gender. 

Related Reading: ​​How To Impress Your Husband – 21 Unconventional Ideas

9. You love learning new skills

One of the defining characteristics of a sapiosexual is their love for learning new things:

  • They love studying new languages and skills that people often consider unnecessary 
  • They are often found in self-help and do-it-yourself sections 
  • When they travel, they research the hell out of the place 
  • Friends often turn to them for tutoring because they know of their thirst for learning
Infographic on signs you are attracted to intelligence
A true sapiosexual is attracted to intelligence

10. You find people more attractive as you get to know them more

In a standard relationship, physical attractiveness is a big turn-on and physical touch is an important part of building intimacy. However, both these factors tend to change or wane over time. But, the connection that sapiosexuals feel with their partners keeps on getting stronger, like a twin-flame connection. This is mainly because sapiosexuals grow intellectually in the relationship.

11. Your arguments are like discussions

Sapiosexuals arguing with their partners could be the most hilarious thing if you’ve only witnessed drama in normal couples’ fights. Think of every time Captain Holt and Kevin fought in Brooklyn Nine-Nine. They may even go to the extent of:

  • Drawing pro and cons lists 
  • Holding debates with points for every round 
  • And referencing Plato and Camus to prove their point

However, sapiosexuals do not resort to passive-aggressive tactics. They believe arguments in relationships can be healthy and approach them as healthily as possible.

12. You have little patience for silly things

This doesn’t mean that sapiosexuals are killjoys, it just means that they have a hard time finding slapstick humor funny or laughing at politically-incorrect jokes. This also means that your biggest turn-offs are millennial abbreviations (who invented BTW, by the way?), lack of punctuation in texts, or excessive use of emojis.

Related Reading: 12 Emojis Guys Send Their Girl When In Love

13. You don’t do simple

People who have a thing for intelligence play to win. So, if you’re asked to plan a baby shower, or gifts for a dad and mom-to-be, or help with a little model of a digestive system, you’re likely to go all out on it, even if it means organizing color-coded decorations for the entire street or using real acid to demonstrate the workings of a stomach. You’re also the one who is assigned the important tasks at weddings because everyone knows you are going to get that thing done while everybody else is getting drunk.

14. You have great listening skills

It is important to be a good listener in a relationship. Sapiosexual people live by this advice. In fact, 

  • They are often the person friends and family members turn to talk about their problems and ask for advice 
  • They have great reverence for what their partners talk about and so, they have great listening skills. They do not get into a relationship to just vent off steam

15. You believe in a long-term relationship

Since it’s the brain that holds a sapiosexual’s attention in the relationship, they’re often less likely to focus on a casual relationship. Also, their relationships grow stronger over time so they’re less likely to gradually drift apart from their partner. Even when sapiosexuals take a break from the relationship and see other people, they still feel intellectually attracted to their partners and are more likely to look for ways to get back with their ex. 

See also  11 Signs Your Girlfriend Was Sexually Abused In The Past And How To Help Her

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16. You engage in art to learn rather than being entertained

Sapiosexual people do not watch movies to pass the time or keep up with memes. They watch movies to:

  • Improve critical thinking 
  • Or to learn a foreign language 

Sapiosexuals are also passionate about art and often, high cultural art. They are far more likely to find sapiosexual jokes in a Shakespearean play than in a stand-up routine.

Related Reading: How Gen-Z Uses Memes To Flirt

17. You don’t like the traditional idea of sexy

Since sapiosexuality is an orientation in which attraction is not dependent on gender, it is often misappropriated by people who treat it as a fetish. However, a sapiosexual will always find intelligence sexier than washboard abs or a peachy butt. They could simply be attracted to highly intelligent people and not be influenced to form a relationship just because of the physical features that attract a man or woman. 

Key Pointers

  • For sapiosexuals, intelligence is the most desirable trait in a partner
  • For them, lust and sexual gratification come after intellectual stimulation
  • They crave deep conversations and are genuinely turned on by knowledge
  • Typical romance and seduction aren’t for them. In fact, their idea of a good date is one where they can exercise their intellect
  • They love elaborate arguments but have little patience for lowbrow jokes, millennial abbreviations, too many emojis, and lack of punctuation
  • They are good listeners and don’t take relationships lightly. However, they prefer to move slow so that they can bond with their partners better

Sapiosexuality is often dismissed as a pretentious behavioral tactic and has been subject to controversy due to its ableist and elitist connotations. That’s because people rarely consider intelligence as a major factor in a relationship. But, if a deep and meaningful connection is what one’s after, wouldn’t a beautiful mind fit the bill? 

This article was updated in May, 2023.

FAQs

1. What do you call someone attracted to intelligence?

They are called sapiophile if they are romantically drawn to intelligence or sapiosexual if their attraction is sexual. Sapiosexuality is considered to be an orientation independent of one’s gender and is a sexual identity in its own right. Straight or LGBTQIA people can also identify as sapiosexuals.

2. Why is intelligence so attractive?

Evolution suggests that physical factors such as strength and health are what a person may look for in a mate to guarantee a healthy offspring as that offspring will have a higher chance at natural selection. But, with the passage of time and a decrease in primitive behavior, intelligence has also become another favorable factor. That’s because of the halo effect around highly desirable qualities like intelligence or kindness. It’s also because of arousal transfer, where one strong emotion, say the thrill of being with a highly intelligent person, begets another, like sexual arousal. 

12 Ways To Build Intellectual Intimacy In A Relationship

12 Core Values In A Relationship For A Happy And Lasting Bond 

The 10 Most Intelligent Zodiac Signs – Ranked For 2022



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  63. Hi just wanted to give you a quick heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same results.

  64. Hi there! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous roommate! He constantly kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he’ll have a very good read. Thank you for sharing!

  65. An impressive share! I have just forwarded this onto a colleague who was doing a little research on this. And he in fact bought me breakfast simply because I found it for him… lol. So let me reword this…. Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending time to discuss this issue here on your site.

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  67. Hey fantastic blog! Does running a blog like this take a great deal of work? I have very little expertise in programming but I was hoping to start my own blog soon. Anyway, if you have any suggestions or tips for new blog owners please share. I know this is off topic but I just had to ask. Kudos!

  68. Appreciating the commitment you put into your site and in depth information you provide. It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same outdated rehashed material. Excellent read! I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  69. Hi there would you mind letting me know which webhost you’re working with? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different web browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you suggest a good web hosting provider at a reasonable price? Many thanks, I appreciate it!

  70. Undeniably believe that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I definitely get irked while people consider worries that they plainly do not know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side effect , people can take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

  71. “Автомойка самообслуживания под ключ” открывает новые возможности для предпринимателей. Входите в перспективный бизнес с надежной поддержкой!

  72. С нами строительство автомоёк под ключ превращается в приятный и легкий процесс, ведь мы заботимся о каждом аспекте вашего будущего предприятия.

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  74. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something which I think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I will try to get the hang of it!

  75. Предлагаем строительство автомоек под ключ для вашего бизнеса. Всё будет выполнено быстро, качественно и по конкурентоспособным ценам.

  76. Its like you read my mind! You seem to understand so much approximately this, like you wrote the ebook in it or something. I think that you could do with some p.c. to force the message house a bit, however other than that, this is fantastic blog. A great read. I’ll definitely be back.

  77. I don’t know if it’s just me or if everyone else experiencing problems with your website. It looks like some of the text within your posts are running off the screen. Can someone else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them too? This might be a problem with my browser because I’ve had this happen before. Kudos

  78. You really make it seem so easy together with your presentation however I find this topic to be really something which I feel I would never understand. It kind of feels too complicated and very vast for me. I am looking forward on your next post, I will try to get the grasp of it!

  79. With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright violation? My website has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my agreement. Do you know any methods to help reduce content from being ripped off? I’d certainly appreciate it.

  80. The other day, while I was at work, my sister stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  81. This design is spectacular! You certainly know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Great job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

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