97 Funny Mother’s Day Quotes for Laughter, Relatable Humor and Gratitude

Mother’s Day is about lovely flowers, heartfelt cards and showing your love and gratitude to mothers in your life.

It’s also a good day to celebrate the rollercoaster of hilarious moments, sleep deprivation and love that comes with motherhood.

So in today’s post I’d like to simply share 97 funny Mother’s Day quotes.

I hope you’ll find something relatable here to give you a few good laughs, help you to relieve some stress and to remember that you’re not alone in your ups and downs in life.

Funny Mother’s Day Quotes for Loving and Hilarious Humor

“Sleep at this point is just a concept, something I’m looking forward to investigating in the future.”
– Amy Poehler

“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
– Milton Berle

“Setting a good example for your children takes all the fun out of middle age.”
– William Feather

“Silence is golden. Unless you have kids. Then silence is just suspicious.”
– Unknown

“My mother used to say: The older you get, the better you get. Unless you’re a banana.”
– Rose Nylund (from the TV-show The Golden Girls)

“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
– Michelle Pfeiffer

“If I wasn’t at work, I just wanted to stay home and party with my little man – and by ‘party’ I mean, of course, endless rounds of ‘Itsy Bitsy Spider.’”
– Olivia Wilde

“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”
– Betty White

“The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.”
– Calvin Trillin

“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
– Nora Ephron

“Ah, babies! They’re more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts.”
– Tina Fey

“No one told me I would be coming home in diapers, too.”
– Chrissy Teigen

“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”
– Phyllis Diller

“Why don’t kids understand that their nap is not for them but for us?”
– Alyson Hannigan

“Motherhood is basically finding activities for children in three-hour pockets of time for the rest of your life.”
– Mindy Kaling

“A toy Tamagotchi is more communicative than a human baby, OK? Because the toy will at least tell you when it poos.”
– Ali Wong

“Twelve years later, the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. You want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep.”
– Shonda Rhimes

“My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.”
– Mark Twain

“All those clichés, those things you hear about having a baby and motherhood – all of them are true. And all of them are the most beautiful things you will ever experience.”
– Penelope Cruz

Funny Mother’s Day Quotes (Love To or From a Daughter or Son)

“Honey, I’m your mother. It’s my job to strong-arm people into seeing how amazing you are.”
– Beverly Goldberg (from the TV-show The Goldbergs)

“I always say if you aren’t yelling at your kids, you’re not spending enough time with them.”
– Reese Witherspoon

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
– Erma Bombeck

“If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, ‘keep away from children.’”
– Susan Savannah

“I can be covered in spit-up on a conference call while I’m pumping and that’s okay because this is my perfect. It may not be somebody else’s, but this is mine.”
– Kerry Washington

“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
– Julia Roberts

“Mom, I love you, even though I’ll never accept your friend request.”
– Unknown

“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
– Lane Olinghouse

“My two-year-old referred to her coat pockets as ‘snack holes,’ and this is what I shall forever call them.”
– Rebecca Caprara

“Everyone’s at different ages and levels, everyone’s into different stuff. But everyone is into slime.”
– Maya Rudolph

“Every day when you’re raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream ‘This is ridiculous!’ because there’s so much nonsense, whether it’s what they’re saying to you or the fact that there’s avocado or poop on every surface.”
– Kristen Bell

“My favorite part about being a mom, I mean it’s so corny, but no matter how tired you are, it’s complete bliss. No matter what.”
– Khloé Kardashian

“A mother is a person who, seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie.”
– Tenneva Jordan

“My mom said she learned how to swim. Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That’s how she learned how to swim. I said, ‘Mom, they weren’t trying to teach you how to swim.’”
– Paula Poundstone

“Sometimes I stand there going, ‘I’m not doing any of this right!’ And then I get this big man belch of her and I go, ‘Ah, we accomplished this together.’”
– Christina Applegate

“The majority of my diet is made up of foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
– Carrie Underwood

“Motherhood is tough. If you just want a wonderful little creature to love, you can get a puppy.”
– Barbara Walters

“I asked Mom if I was a gifted child. She said they certainly wouldn’t have paid for me.”
– Calvin (from the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes)

“There are no rules in this house; I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom.”
– Mrs. George (from the movie Mean Girls)

“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
– Dorothy Parker

Funny Mother’s Day Quotes For (and From) Friends

“I used to give my friends who have kids advice all the time, and they would look at me like I had three heads. And then, when I had two, I literally apologized to all my friends.”
– Jennifer Lopez

“Becoming a mom to me means you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”
– Nia Vardalos

“My sister said once: ‘Anything I don’t want Mother to know, I don’t even think of, if she’s in the room.’”
– Agatha Christie

“You know how once you have kids you never ever pee by yourself again? At least one of them is always in there with you at all times.”
– Jennifer Garner

“A sweater is a garment worn by a child when the mother feels chilly.”
– Barbara Johnson

“A mother need only step into the shower to be instantly reassured she is indispensable to every member of her family.”
– Lynne Williams

“I’ve learned that it’s way harder to be a baby. For instance, I haven’t thrown up since the ’90s and she’s thrown up twice since we started this interview.”
– Eva Mendes

“There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone to do it, or ask your kids not to do it.”
– Malcolm Kushner

“Meditation is my thing. But I’m not going to lie: sometimes, I go into my closet and lock the door so no one can find me.”
– Gwen Stefani

“Having children is like living in a frat house. Nobody sleeps, everything’s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
– Ray Romano

“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.”
– Jenny McCarthy

“You never know when you’re gonna get crapped on, or when you’re gonna get a big smile, or when that smile immediately turns into hysterics. It might be like living with a drug addict.”
– Blake Lively

“Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease.”
– Lisa Alther

“You know your life has changed when… going to the grocery store by yourself is a vacation.”
– Unknown

“Ma-ma does everything for a baby, who responds by saying Da-da first.”
– Mignon McLaughlin

“Raising a kid is part joy and part Guerilla warfare.”
– Ed Asner

“When the milk first comes in, it’s like a tsunami.”
– Emily Blunt

“Children are like crazy, drunken small people in your house.”
– Julie Bowen

“How do I explain my mom? She is as respected as Mother Theresa, as powerful as Stalin, and as beautiful as Margaret Thatcher.”
– Leslie Knope (form the TV-show Parks and Recreation)

“I don’t want to sleep like a baby. I want to sleep like my husband.”
– Unknown

Hilarious Mother’s Day Quotes on Motherhood

“Over the years, I learned that motherhood is much like an austere religious order, the joining of which obligates one to relinquish all claims to personal possessions.”
– Nancy Stahl

“Motherhood. It takes patience, humor and a lot of wet towelettes.”
– Unknown

“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it’s a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
– Erma Bombeck

“I’ve conquered a lot of things… blood clots in my lungs – twice… knee and foot surgeries… winning Grand Slams being down match point… to name just a few, but I found out by far the hardest is figuring out a stroller!”
– Serena Williams

“Mother Nature, in her infinite wisdom, has instilled within each of us a powerful biological instinct to reproduce; this is her way of assuring that the human race, come what may, will never have any disposable income.”
– Dave Berry

“I am sure that if the mothers and various nations could meet, there would be no more wars.”
– E.M. Forster

“A mother is the person you can always call to see how long chicken lasts in the fridge.”
– Unknown

“Most mothers are instinctive philosophers.”
– Harriet Beecher Stowe

“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.”
– Buddy Hackett

“It’d be cool if my kids could make something I actually want. Like a bottle of wine out of macaroni.”
– Unknown

“There’s something really empowering about going, ‘Hell, I can do this! I can do this all!’ That’s the wonderful thing about mothers, you can because you must, and you just do.”
– Kate Winslet

“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
– Sam Levenson

“A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children; obstetrically once and by car forever after.”
– Peter De Vries

“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
– Jerry Seinfeld

“Parenting tip: maybe don’t leave Hungry Hungry Hippos on the floor of a dark room.”
– Rachel Dratch

“‘I don’t think so mommy!’ is what my child said after, ‘Can you please pick up the popcorn you threw all over?’”
– Anna Faris

“Parenting is f***ing hard.”
– Adele

“I met my match. She is very demanding, like, I can’t believe I have a boss. When my baby wanna eat, she wanna eat. It’s not like, ‘Oh three minutes?’ No. Give me the milk now.”
– Cardi B

“Having kids is just like college. You’re up all night, there is lots of puking, and you’re perpetually broke.”
– Unknown

“I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.”
– Rita Rudner

Short Funny Mother’s Day Quotes

“If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way your mom told you to do it from the start.”
– Unknown

“Dear Mom, Thank you for keeping all the bad stuff I did from Dad.”
– Unknown

“I can’t believe how much like my mother I turned out. I feel sorry for my kids.”
– Melanie White

“My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.”
– Tim Allen

“Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother comes out.”
– Unknown

“Our mothers always remain the strangest, craziest people we’ve ever met.”
– Marguerite Duras

“My nickname is ‘Mom.’ But my full name is ‘Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom.’”
– Unknown

“The phrase ‘working mother’ is redundant.”
– Jane Sellman

“Wine is necessary.”
– Kelly Clarkson

“Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.”
– Unknown

“As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.”
– Oscar Wilde

“Life doesn’t come with a manual. It comes with a mother.”
– Unknown

“Nothing is really lost until your mom can’t find it.”
– Unknown

“An ounce of mother is worth a ton of priest.”
– Spanish proverb

“Thank you for not telling my sisters that I’m your favorite.”
– Unknown

“To be honest, I’m just winging it. Life, motherhood, my eye liner. Everything.”
– Unknown

“Raising kids is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.”
– Unknown

“God could not be everywhere, and therefore he made mothers.”
– Rudyard Kipling

Want more fun and uplifting words of wisdom for Mother’s Day? Then check out these inspirational Mother’s Day quotes and also the short Mother’s Day quotes in this post.