How to Know If He’s the One on the First Date

Plenty of people can tell you ways a man will act on a first date to show that he’s really into you. And those are great things to know. But what about your opinion on the matter? How do you know if you’re really into a guy?

A guy can show up on time, act interested, bring flowers and say all the right things, but does that mean he’s the one for you? There are few sources that can teach you how to read your internal signals to determine whether someone could be good for you. And it’s just as important to be able to read your own cues and learn about the behaviors you show that will tell you this is someone you’re really interested in.

So, how do you know if he’s the one on the first date? Or at least someone you’d like to take on a second? Here are five internal signals that let you know you’re onto something:

1. You’re able to talk naturally.
The first sign that a guy is meant for you is how the conversation flows. You should feel comfortable talking with him about anything. When you do, he doesn’t make you feel judged or fearful about expressing your true opinions, even when he doesn’t agree with them. The two of you are naturally able to create a space where you can speak without reservation. Additionally, the conversation is more than passive listening; it’s an interactive dialogue that feels like it could last all night.

2. You act like you’re with your best friend.
You probably keep things from your family or filter out certain parts of your life when you’re on social media, but the one person who knows you inside and out is your best friend. You share everything with your best friend because you know that he/she accepts you as you are without judgment. Best friends make it easy for you to be your authentic self and that is equally true for the one. While you probably won’t divulge your deepest secrets on the first date, the guy who deserves your time will make you feel comfortable expressing your true self from the moment you meet onward.

3. You lose track of what’s going on around you.
When you’re onto something good, time becomes irrelevant. Nothing else matters. You hardly notice the people around you. Your phone hasn’t come out of your purse the entire date. You’ve forgotten about your to-do list or the things you need to handle the following day. You’re effortlessly present and completely engaged. There is nowhere else you’d rather be in that moment because you are exactly where you’re supposed to be.

4. You’re completely engaged.
Call it pheromones, energy, aura or connection. Whatever it is, you’re drawn to it. Maybe he’s not the hottest guy you’ve ever seen, maybe he isn’t the smoothest talker, but something about him has you unquestionably engaged and hanging onto every word. Your body language is a big cue here. You find yourself leaning forward to listen more intently. You grab his hand across the table or graze his arm while you’re walking. These signals are instinctive—they’re like a magnetic pull that you have no ability or desire to stop.

5. You’re not overly excited.
Contrary to popular belief, excitement is actually a defense mechanism by your brain warning you of danger. So, those feelings of nervousness or anxiousness aren’t actually a good sign. While they aren’t uncommon feelings on a first date, they could be an indicator that you should be wary of the person in front of you. On the other hand, feeling at ease, comfortable and relaxed is your brain’s way of telling you that you’re safe and can let your guard down. This isn’t to say that you’ll never feel excited, but how often and when those feelings arise is something to keep in mind, especially as you spend more time together.

6. You head straight for the deep convo.
Sure you may kick things off with a few pleasantries, but after you’ve moved past the surface, the conversation makes a seamless shift toward deeper matters. Like, what you look for in a partner, who you admire most in the world, or what life events have had the greatest impact on you. You enjoy sharing this information. Not only does it demonstrate that you feel comfortable with him, but also that you trust him enough to share important matters with him. It’s a precursor for intimacy and an indicator that you’ll be able to transition to a deeper level easily.

Not every good date will result in fireworks, and, more importantly, not every good guy will be right for you. Pay attention to his cues, but keep yours in mind as well. These intrinsic signals will help guide you to finding the right guy for you.