Reasons And Ways To Deal

Picture this: your boyfriend is away on an overseas internship, and you’re lying in one corner of your bed, listening to his favorite song and waiting for that one call from him which he’ll make when he gets free. Meanwhile, it seems like you’ve put your entire life on hold. Sounds familiar? Well, if you’ve often found yourself in situations where you’ve wondered, “Why do I miss my boyfriend so much?”, you’re at the right place. Missing a partner isn’t all that bad, but what’s unhealthy is when you start neglecting your health, job, or friends in such situations, and start indulging in unhealthy coping mechanisms or feel stressed.

In this article, we won’t just delve deeper into the probable reasons behind you missing your boyfriend so much but will also provide some expert-backed tips to help you sail through such a tough time, with the help of our expert relationship counselor Ruchi Ruuh (Postgraduate Diploma in Counseling Psychology). So, what are we waiting for? Let’s begin…

Why Do I Miss My Boyfriend So Much? Possible Reasons

A friend of mine, Clare, 27, broke up with her boyfriend of 2 years a few months back. While on a call with me, she narrated how she was dying to text him and was missing him like crazy. She spent the better part of her day stalking him on social media and going through their couple photos, and eventually received an apology text from him a few weeks later. Though the breakup was temporary and she and her boyfriend eventually got back together last month, she later said how she felt “addicted” to him. And this very word perhaps describes what it is like to miss one’s boyfriend, be it during a temporary or permanent separation.

A study, in fact, has proven how missing a lover is scientifically similar to the withdrawal symptoms cocaine addicts exhibit when they’re deprived of the drug. The physical symptoms of missing someone you love can be quite evident. But what causes such a deep emotional reaction? Well, we’ll look at a few possible reasons responsible for this longing for one’s boyfriend that most women go through when they’re not around them:

1. Emotional attachment

The most obvious reason women miss their boyfriends is the emotional attachment. When we interact romantically with someone, various neurochemicals, such as oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin, affect our brains and make us develop bonds and emotions. Ruchi says, “The emotional connection is further heightened by shared experiences and conversations that one experiences both in happy and challenging times.”

Related Reading: Love Vs Attachment: Is It Real Love? Understanding The Difference

2. Support

Ruchi says, “The next most prominent reason behind the psychology of missing a boyfriend is the support, comfort, encouragement, and reassurance that a healthy relationship brings.” So, you may be missing:

• The time he cooked up a meal when you were sick
• The way he stood by you when you had to admit your mother to the hospital for an emergency operation
• The long phone calls he made at night to listen to your rants when you lost your job
• The way he pampered you on your first date
• All those times he took care of you when you were sick

3. Shared activities and routines

Ruchi says, “Shared activities, even when they are the most boring and routine chores, are imprinted in our brains and affect us when we can’t engage in them anymore.” These memories bring nostalgia when the person we shared the experiences with isn’t with us anymore. Such activities may include:

• Watching your favorite movies
• Playing video games together
• Interesting intimate or sexual activities, such as couple card games
• Texting or talking over the phone

4. Future plans

Ruchi believes, “When we make future plans with our partners, they help us develop a deeper bond with them, which causes us to miss them when they’re no longer around.” Such goals may not just be serious, long-term couple goals, such as getting married or starting a family. They can be smaller ones too, such as traveling together or going to a café. One of the reasons you’re missing your boyfriend could be that you’re still thinking about those plans, wishing they were part of your future.

Related Reading: 9 Reasons You Miss Your Ex And 5 Things You Can Do About It

5. Unique qualities

The very qualities of our partners that draw us to them become the reasons for us missing them when they’re not with us. Ruchi says, “Such qualities could be their dry sense of humor, their understanding and caring nature, or simple traits such as their habit of taking you out for an ice-cream after a bad day.”

6. Stress regulation

A study has proved that women experience significantly reduced cortisol levels (a stress-inducing hormone) after being embraced by their romantic partners. Ruchi says, “Just being in the presence of your boyfriend can bring down stress levels in women and improve their nervous system.”

Related Reading: The Stress And Long-Distance Relationship Depression Is Breaking Our Bond

7. Reward system

Every positive interaction with a romantic partner can create a pathway for the brain’s reward system. So, you will always be craving for that ‘feel good’ factor later too. Ruchi explains, “Any pleasurable activity with your special someone creates that dopamine reward pathway that may make you miss him when he’s no longer with you.”

How To Tell If It’s Healthy To Miss Your Boyfriend So Much

It’s not necessary that your boyfriend has to live in another city for you to miss him like crazy. As a Reddit user puts it: “We live close to each other and see each other at least once a week. Not being with him and not having his presence next to me makes me miss him so much.” But how healthy is missing someone so obsessively?

And how are you coping with your breakup or your boyfriend’s absence anyway? Anxious and worried most of the time? Re-watching your favorite Netflix series that you watched with your boyfriend and crying as you do so? Or have you sunk into a whirlpool of emotional eating and are gorging on ice cream and fast food just to get over your boyfriend’s absence? Well, these are some of the unhealthy coping mechanisms and physical symptoms of missing someone you love that may harm you in the long run.

With the help of Ruchi, we have collated a table below that will help you comprehend the differences in healthy and unhealthy behavior when you’re missing your boyfriend:

Healthy Behavior	Unhealthy Behavior
1. Even if you’re eagerly waiting to spend quality time with your boyfriend, you will be able to maintain a calm demeanor, function independently, and be productive.	1. You will be constantly overwhelmed and will feel empty. You may experience separation anxiety and trust issues too.
2. You maintain individuality and personal growth, pursue hobbies, go out with friends, and use his absence for doing something for self-discovery/growth.	2. You may become overly dependent on him for validation, and thus may neglect your needs and aspirations. Your identity will be defined by his presence.
3. You will communicate your ideas, trust him, and also be emotionally secure.	3. You will stalk him, doubt him, and be constantly anxious, worried about who he’s spending time with. You may also showcase controlling and manipulative behavior.
4. You will be able to cope with his absence in a constructive and nurturing way. You may tell him how much you missed him, when he gets back.	4. While you will miss his absence, you may show signs of micro-cheating (talking to or texting other people). When he comes back, you may be assertive, nagging, or showcase passive-aggressive behavior.

Related Reading: 9 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship

What To Do When You Miss Your Boyfriend — 13 Tips To Deal With It

So, now that you know the answers to, “Why do I miss my boyfriend so much?”, are you still struggling to get over the ‘we’ habits? In this section, we’ll tell you what to do when you miss your boyfriend and help you deal with the situation in a healthy way. It could be a boyfriend in a long-distance relationship that you’re missing, an ex you wish to text or reach out to, or a boyfriend who’s temporarily out of town and away from you due to an emergency.

All that you need to remember is that healing from or coping with this situation won’t be a linear process. Neither can there be an exhaustive list of all the stuff you can do to address this situation. But instead of feeling lonely and sad or wondering, “Why do I miss my boyfriend so much, I cry”, you can try the following 13 tips suggested by Ruchi:

1. Stay connected

Considering you’re still on good terms with your boyfriend or are missing a partner in a long-distance relationship, you can try to keep in touch on a regular basis, to tide over the “I miss my boyfriend” feeling. Of course, you need to keep your work schedule in mind while doing so. Ruchi suggests the following ways of being in touch:

• Through lovey-dovey text messages
• Scheduling video calls
• Playing games online
• Having steamy chats when you’re missing the physical touch

Related Reading: 20 I Miss Him Memes That Are Totally On Point

2. Distract yourself

If you wish to address the “Why do I miss my boyfriend so much?” question in a healthy manner, try and distract yourself by indulging in activities you like, instead of waiting for him to fulfill all your needs. Here’s what Ruchi suggests:

• Spend some time cooking up a favorite meal
• Enjoy a favorite sporting activity
• Spend some time reading

3. Express yourself

If you’re missing your long-distance boyfriend, try and appreciate him for all the good things that he has done for you. Ruchi feels, “It’s important to let your beau know your feelings. Show him that you care and love him.” This will break any invisible walls between you two and pave the way for a warm reunion.

4. Be in touch with a support network

Don’t forget your friends and family when you’re missing your partner. Ruchi feels, “It’s your network of close friends and family members that can provide you a supportive space during this phase. So, confide in them, enjoy their company, and create strong bonds with them. Remember, you should not avoid your other relationships when you’re invested in a romantic partner or are missing them.”

Related Reading: How To Get Through A Breakup Alone?

My 24-year-old coworker Mandy started neglecting her friends right after starting a relationship with her current boyfriend, George. But when George moved to another city to pursue a degree, Mandy felt lonely. It was then that she realized how important keeping in touch with her friend circle was. “Why do I miss my boyfriend so much?”, she would pine, and her friends were thankfully there to ensure her well-being when she called them to confide.

5. Focus on self-care

Even when you’re missing your boyfriend, make sure you don’t neglect your physical and mental health. Ruchi suggests the following self-care tips to save yourself from emotional distress and ensure your overall well-being:

• Get enough rest
• Eat healthy food
• Spend at least an hour a day exercising
• Focus on relaxation techniques, such as yoga and meditation
• Go for long walks
• Invest in massage therapy

6. Write a journal

It’s always a good idea to express your thoughts, describing how you’re missing him. Ruchi suggests, “It’s a great idea to keep a journal to document the emotional turmoil you’re going through.” This will help calm you and let you channel your thoughts. You can always read your journal later and cherish some memories.

Related Reading: 55 Beautiful Ways To Say I Miss You Without Saying It

7. Find a purpose

All your feelings in the “I miss my boyfriend” phase can be positively used to help you find purpose. Ruchi says, “Instead of complaining “I miss him”, indulge in some self-reflection and introspection.” Focus on your own life and your personal goals. So, you can:

• Devote extra time to work to get that much-needed promotion
• Get that certification that’ll help you in your career
• Invest in a grooming workshop

8. Do things you’ve always wanted to do

Ruchi feels, “Instead of wondering, “Why do I miss my boyfriend so much when we are apart?”, you can spend this time wisely, doing things you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t because of being invested in your relationship.” So, you can:

• Finish the book you’ve been meaning to
• Catch a movie you’ve been planning to watch for a while
• Move away from the city and enjoy a solo vacation

Related Reading: 11 Expert Tips To Stop Being Obsessed With Someone

9. Brainstorm creative reunion ideas

In case you’ve been missing your long-distance boyfriend a lot, you can utilize this gap by planning a cozy reunion. Here are some ideas from Ruchi:

• Look for thoughtful, romantic date ideas
• Find out the best restaurants in town to take your bae to when he gets back
• Chalk out some couple weekend getaway ideas and itineraries
• Plan a surprise
• Write a mushy letter for him

10. Avoid negative emotions

While you’re missing your boyfriend (even if you aren’t talking now), try and avoid negative emotions. So, you can still tell yourself, “I miss him”, but:

• Avoid any blame-game
• Stop indulging in passive-aggressive behavior
• Stop being judgmental or sarcastic
• Avoid posting rants on social media
• Avoid being jealous of his social life or achievements

Related Reading: 9 Expert Tips On How To Control Your Emotions In A Relationship

11. Rethink your manner of communication

Ruchi says, “This is also a good time to reflect on how you’re communicating with your boyfriend.” Find out the flaws, if any, and focus on communicating better.” Ask yourself questions, such as:

• Am I being too critical of him?
• Have I been giving him enough time?
• Do we spend enough time calling or texting?

12. Reflect on the strengths of your relationship

Being away from your boyfriend will give you a clearer headspace to reflect on where you stand in terms of your equation with him. Locate the flaws if any and act on them. Find out the strengths and use them to strengthen your relationship. What is it that makes you two click? Is it your shared goals or your love for the same hobbies?

Related Reading: 9 Reasons You Miss Your Ex And 5 Things You Can Do About It

13. Maintain a positive attitude

Think positive and half your issues will be solved. So, instead of wracking your brain and wondering what to do when you miss your boyfriend, try and maintain a positive attitude and mindset. Here’s how you can do that:

• Try and think of when you will meet next
• Re-read everyday conversations and the flirty and fun texts you exchanged when you started dating
• Use his favorite perfume to remind yourself of him
• Visit his favorite restaurant and order his favorite dish

We’ve tried to offer you a concise guide to dealing with your emotions when you’re wondering, “Why do I miss my boyfriend so much when we are apart?” And we hope you are no longer wondering what to do when you miss your boyfriend! Remember, if your feelings for him are true, it’s completely normal to miss him when he’s not around. But that doesn’t mean you’ll lose yourself in the process.

A partner, after all, is someone who adds to your individuality. You are a complete person with or without him. So, instead of saying to yourself, “I miss him” and ignoring your needs, try and strike a balance, focus on the positives, and look forward to the time you’ll meet again. Let your heart grow fonder with every second you miss him!

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