The Importance Of Explicit Consent In Sexual Relationships

Introduction to Explicit Consent in Sexual Relationships

Modern dating is more complicated than ever.

We live in a world where dating norms are shifting rapidly, and what we used to take for granted in relationships is often blurred…or gone.

Hookup culture, online dating, differing expectations, and changing social norms have made navigating intimacy tricky, more confusing, and often even dangerous.

Men, in particular, face conflicting messages about how to approach sex and relationships.

Should you take charge or wait for clear signals?

Should you be assertive or cautious?

Should we consent on video?

It really has become a question of,

How do you ensure you’re doing the right thing while still maintaining attraction and chemistry?

This is where understanding the idea of explicit consent becomes key.

If you’ve ever felt uncertain about how to navigate sexual consent or worried about unintentionally crossing a line, you’re not alone.

Many of us grew up in cultures (and a time) where consent was implied rather than explicitly discussed.

But in the modern dating landscape, asking for and receiving a clear “yes” before and during intimate moments, known as explicit consent, is not just important—it’s essential for one’s safety and healthy relationships.

Explicit consent ensures that all parties feel comfortable and respected.

But this isn’t just about legalities or avoiding trouble; it’s also about fostering a deep sense of trust, respect, and mutual enjoyment.

It’s about making sure that you and your partner are equally into the moment, without fear, pressure, or uncertainty.

So, in this article, we explore why explicit consent matters, how it enhances relationships, and how you, as a man, can lead by example in building a culture of trust and confidence in your intimate life.

Understanding Explicit Consent

First, and more importantly, consent is not a one-time question with a yes-or-no answer.

It’s an ongoing process, a conversation that ensures both partners feel safe and comfortable at every stage of intimacy.

And, yes, that also applies to marriage.

Forcing yourself onto your wife is no different from forcing yourself onto a stranger.

Explicit consent means there’s no room for assumption or liberties.

It’s about actively engaging with your partner or spouse, being clear about what’s okay and what’s not, and making sure that both of you are fully present in the experience.

But why is this so important?

Because relying on assumptions or outdated ideas about attraction can lead to misunderstandings and a lot of trouble.

Many men have been conditioned to believe that consent is implied by body language or previous encounters, but that’s a dangerous assumption.

A study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that women often rely on nonverbal cues rather than verbal consent, which can create confusion.

As men, we have an opportunity to lead the way by normalizing verbal, explicit consent.

Instead of assuming she’s into it, ask.

Instead of reading body language, check in.

It’s not awkward—it’s attractive.

It doesn’t make you less of a man; it makes you trustworthy and respectful—that’s attractive.

But it’s also important to know that confidence isn’t about taking charge blindly; it’s about making sure you’re both on the same page.

And that’s where communication comes in.

As a couple (new and old), you must get into the habit of communicating your needs, likes, and dislikes.

Understand that clarity makes intimacy more fulfilling for both partners, not less.

Communication Makes Sex Better

However, there is a snag,

A lot of guys think that asking for consent will ruin the moment…

But in reality, it does the opposite.

Open communication about sex builds anticipation, increases trust, and deepens intimacy.

Think about it: when you know your partner is as excited or aroused as you are, the experience becomes even better.

But let’s be honest—many men worry about killing the mood, so they’ll rather assume than ensure.

However, the key is to integrate consent naturally into your interactions…long before you actually jump in bed.

Being able to talk about what you like, expect, and what you’re unsure about strengthens the connection.

It lays the foundation.

A simple, “What do you want to do,” “Do you like this?” or “Is this good for you?” isn’t just about ensuring consent—it’s about making sure you’re both enjoying the experience fully.

When open communication becomes second nature, intimacy tends to flourish.

Challenging Old-School Mindsets

But what about those traditional ideas that men should “just know” what their partner or date wants?

The truth is this belief has been ingrained in many of our cultures for years, and unfortunately, it often leads to more confusion (and problems) than connection.

The reality is no one is a mind reader.

Men have historically been “told” that confidence means taking the lead without hesitation, but that can sometimes mean missing the subtle but crucial cues that a partner may not be fully comfortable or at all.

Cultural myths have long suggested that men should take the lead while women should be passive participants.

However, that mindset sets everyone up for miscommunication and uncertainty…and potential problems.

Understanding explicit consent and communication means shifting from outdated ideas to a more open, honest approach.

When men actively ask for and confirm consent, it removes uncertainty and allows both partners to engage and enjoy the experience fully.

There’s nothing more attractive than a man who is confident enough to prioritize his partner’s comfort and desire.

Explicit Consent Is a Legal and Ethical Must

However, beyond relationships, there’s also a legal aspect to consider.

Engaging in sex without clear, explicit consent can lead to severe consequences.

In many places, the law states that consent must be voluntary and can be revoked at any time.

In Canada, for instance, consent must be freely given, and any form of coercion, pressure, or intoxication invalidates it.

But let’s be clear—this isn’t just about legal definitions.

Your ethical responsibility towards another human being matters just as much.

If you want your partner or date to truly enjoy the experience, ensuring their safety, comfort, and desire is essential.

Sex should never feel transactional, forced, or uncertain.

When both partners are enthusiastic and eager, the experience is always better.

And we must, therefore, develop a culture of explicit consent because a culture of consent ensures that sex is about mutual pleasure, not just one person’s desires being met at the expense of the other’s safety, comfort, and enjoyment.

That’s why I will always part ways with cultures that endorse and practice child marriages, something I’ve written about before.

And talking about marriage, what about consent when one is married?

Consent in Marriage: A Continuous Conversation

First and foremost, I can tell you from firsthand experience after many years of marriage that consent isn’t just important in dating or new relationships—it remains just as essential in marriage.

Many people assume that once a couple is married, consent is automatically implied, but this is a dangerous and outdated belief.

Marriage does not equate to permanent or unconditional explicit consent.

Read that again.

Just as in any other relationship, partners in a marriage must continuously communicate their comfort levels, desires, and boundaries to ensure a healthy and fulfilling sexual connection.

The reality is that over time, relationships evolve, and so do individual needs and comfort levels.

People go through seasons, and spouses are rarely in the same place (emotionally, psychologically, AND physically) at the same time.

Stress, health issues, emotional well-being, and life changes can all impact a partner’s willingness or desire for intimacy at any given time.

Fundamentally, a strong marriage is built on mutual respect, and respecting each other’s boundaries is a fundamental part of that.

So regularly checking in and discussing what feels good, what may have changed, and what both spouses need from their intimate connection fosters deeper trust and intimacy.

A desire for intimacy at any given point in time cannot be assumed in marriage. That is a mistake.

It’s also crucial to remember that coercion has no place in marriage.

Feeling pressured to engage in intimacy out of obligation, guilt, or fear of conflict is damaging and erodes trust over time.

Healthy marriages are built on enthusiastic, mutual participation, not on duty or expectation.

When both spouses feel heard and respected, intimacy becomes more fulfilling and enjoyable for both.

Finally, in my mind, consent in marriage means prioritizing each other’s well-being and ensuring that sex is a space of connection, not obligation.

Once you cross that line, intimacy suffers and wanes; in fact, it’s no longer intimacy at all.

Conversely, the more openly married couples communicate and embrace consent as an ongoing process, the stronger and healthier their relationship becomes.

Leading the Way in Creating a Consent-Positive Culture

So, back to the question of creating a consent culture…how do we shift the culture?

Truth be told, if consent is going to become the norm, men have to take the lead.

This is not a sexist statement, just a fact.

That means normalizing conversations about it, especially for men, challenging outdated ideas, and making sure that sex is a space of mutual trust.

Instead of seeing explicit consent as a hurdle, we as men should see it as an opportunity to deepen intimacy, create stronger connections, and build better relationships with our partners and spouses.

As a husband and father, I have long ago made the decision to talk to my wife about the important things in marriage, and sex is one of them.

The sex-positive movement also supports this idea, emphasizing that consent is the foundation of a truly satisfying and fulfilling sex life.

The more we encourage open discussions about desires and boundaries, the more natural it becomes to ensure every encounter is respectful, safe, and mutually fulfilling.

Conclusion

Embracing explicit consent isn’t just about avoiding misunderstandings—it’s about creating better relationships.

When both partners communicate openly, trust deepens, and intimacy flourishes.

But asking for and receiving consent shouldn’t feel like a formality; it should be a natural part of any meaningful connection.

That means you can set the standard for healthier, more fulfilling relationships by leading with respect, clear communication, and confidence.

At the end of the day, consent is about ensuring that both partners feel safe, heard, and truly excited about the experience.

When that happens, sex becomes more than just an act—it becomes an expression of trust, desire, and mutual enjoyment.

Feel free to leave your comments or opinions below, even if you disagree.

I’m old school, so I actually still welcome respectful debate about differences of ideas.