Breakup

When Do Guys Start To Miss You After A Breakup? 11 Scenarios

June 27, 2023
284 27 14 minutes read
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When do guys start to miss you after a breakup? We have all heard the stereotypes about men after a breakup, such as, “He is probably out drinking with his friends right now”, “There is no pain a pint of beer can’t cure”, or “He’ll just get with someone new and move on”. While some of these statements may appear to be true, the fact is that breakups hit guys later and that’s why they seem nonchalant or unfazed immediately after a breakup.

In reality, guys go through a lot after a breakup, most of which is not addressed or acknowledged by a majority of people. An interesting study points out that men view their ex-partners more favorably than women. This may have raised a host of questions in your mind. Will he come back after breakup? And how long does it take a guy to realize he wants you back? We’re here to help you find the answers and understand the behavior of men after a breakup.

When Do Guys Start To Miss You After A Breakup? 11 Possible Scenarios

How long does it take for someone to miss you? In most cases, how guys react to a breakup is different from how women do, because the realization hits them a lot later. That is not to say that men are heartless and never cared about the relationship. Naturally, when men become newly single, the common conception of single men being termed as “players” makes them think they’re now free. As if they were “tied down” before.

However, that free feeling lasts only so long. When they’ve exhausted their efforts of running away from their thoughts through partying, drinking, etc, the breakup will finally hit them like a truck. That is when a man misses you. In short, 8 weeks is roughly the answer to the question, “How long does it take to miss someone?”

Related Reading: 12 Ways To Find Happiness After Breakup And Heal Completely

If you’re wondering, “Why does it take guys 8 weeks to miss you?” Know that that’s a very broad claim we’re making. Some men definitely take more time, some take less time too. Do they ever realize they made a mistake and want to come back? Let’s delve deeper into what makes a man miss a woman after a breakup:

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1. When do guys start to miss you after a breakup? When it finally hits them

Growing up on Johnny Bravo, idolizing James Bond, and wanting to be like Dan Bilzerian, the newly single man will fancy himself as the player:

  • He’ll take pride in all the freedom he now thinks he has, even if he did not lack any in the first place
  • It’s a common strategy men use to try to think they’re looking at the bright side
  • He’ll say, “She tied me down bro, she wouldn’t let me out of the house!”
  • Men jump into new relationships after a breakup, but that won’t last very long

What makes a guy miss you? If you are wondering, “Does absence make a man miss you?”, the answer is “Yes”. Eventually, reality sets in, after they’ve tried all the evasive measures they could’ve thought of. Now comes the part where they actually have to confront what they’re feeling, which can get very, very hard for some men. 

2. When you stop talking to them for good

When you cut a guy off and stop sending text messages, he will naturally start to become more curious about what you’re up to. As long as guys can see your social media stories and drop in the occasional “Hi,” they won’t realize they have lost you for good. 

Someone who is strict with the no-contact rule is the kind of girl guys regret losing. Cut him off, he will miss you! When he doesn’t get the answers to the questions he has in his mind, he’ll grow frustrated. Maybe even ask your mutual friends about you. Once that happens, it’s one of the signs he will come back.

3. When wishful thinking sets in

Once a little more time passes, a guy starts to reminisce the great moments and how emotionally attached he was:

  • Men forget the painful memories, choosing to only focus on the good times
  • Some might even doubt themselves and ask, “Maybe I was the one who was wrong the entire time”!
  • This ego-diminishing act can make men realize they made a mistake and want their ex back

This is also the stage where you might probably receive an “I miss you” or “I’m sorry I treated you so bad” text. That’s because most guys convince themselves that they were not in a healthy relationship. Once they realize that that wasn’t necessarily the case, you can probably see a story or two on their social media about certain things you did as a couple.

So, when do guys start to miss you after a breakup? It’s when they realize that their relationship wasn’t as bad as they thought it was and they start to recall the memories you both spent together.

4. When they realize being single isn’t all that great

It’ll take a little time, but guys eventually come around to realizing that the single life isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Yes, you save a little bit more money, but you also lack the happiness that you get from taking care of someone. And of course, always having someone to do stuff with.

See also  It’s Not You, It’s Me – Breakup Excuse? What It Really Means

When he realizes he now has to do their shopping based on his judgment of fashion, all hell breaks loose. Expect the next few t-shirts to be extremely ill-fitted and the color scheme all over the place. This makes him want you back after breakup, as he was living his best life with you.

Related Reading: This Is How Your Breakup Affects Your Pet: A Dog’s Point Of View

The answer to the question, “How long does it take a guy to realize he wants you back?” is when they start missing the relationship. Once they realize they long for the companionship once again, they understand that the only person they want it from is their ex-partner. That’s why rebound relationships with new girls don’t work out.

5. When you upload that Instagram selfie with a new bae

Guys start missing you when they see you smiling with your new boyfriend. There’s nothing in the world that stings more than this to a newly single guy. Especially, if there’s zero contact between the exes. Whether he’s stalking his ex on social media or not, that new photo of you with your new love interest will find its way into his phone and it’ll leave him shattered.

A Reddit user wrote, “I recently got back to my school, tonight as I was walking through the dorms saw her and some guy walking out of the building together. Something about this hurt me in a way I’ve never been hurt before. Just thinking about the two of them stirs up all this rage and anger and hurt inside me, and the thought keeps surfacing. It’s like a splinter.”

6. When he goes through a challenging phase in his life

A Reddit user wrote, “Men get most of their emotional support from their SOs, and very little comparatively from their friends; so they loose a significant emotional outlet in a break-up that I feel a lot of women don’t to the same degree.” So, does absence make a man miss you? Yes, especially when:

  • He’s going through a challenge and need to talk about his emotions
  • He needs to be vulnerable with someone, without being called ‘effeminate’
  • He wants to cry his eyes out and rant about his distress

This eventually results in men having no idea how to get help from male friends in times of emotional crisis. This is when guys start to miss you after a breakup. Men don’t experience the kind of support and answers they get from their girlfriends anywhere else. 

7. When do guys start to miss you after a breakup? When they miss being in a relationship

Loneliness is what makes a man miss a woman after a breakup. When a man misses you, he will crave the cuddles and the emotional stability. Guys will miss the security/sexual intimacy that they shared with you. This is when they start wishing they treated you better so they could still have the emotional support and the sex. This can take anywhere between 8-16 weeks, depending on how quickly they see their friends enjoying being in relationships.

8. When he gets to see you

Maybe you’re wondering, “He broke up with me, will he come back?” On this, a Reddit user wrote, “One time I went to a party at my ex’s house. Didn’t really know that many people. Got way drunker than I should have been, and sloppily explained to her that she should ditch that other loser and date me again.”

Yes, this often happens. When guys run into you (by accident/by choice), all the memories come flashing back. If you happen to run into your ex this holiday season, here’s what you should do:

  • Take a deep breath and give yourself grace (it’s natural to feel uneasy)
  • Remember why you guys aren’t together anymore (self worth comes first always)
  • Don’t go out of your way to impress/get back your ex-boyfriend

9. When he smells your scent

According to research, long-term love is related to dopamine-rich rewards and maternal attachment. So, your wide smile, piercing green eyes and musky scent have created neural fingerprint-like effects on your ex’s brain. This means every time he comes across visual cues, sounds or odors related to you, he will miss you. Maybe, that’s why he keeps playing the song Cold/Mess on repeat.

10. When do guys start to miss you after breakup? When they get drunk

Will he call after breakup? A Reddit user wrote, “I still get the occasional drunk emails from exes I haven’t seen in like 5+ years, it’s fine.” No, it’s not fine if you keep wondering “Why is he texting me after breakup?” Since he hasn’t made peace with the relationship’s ending, it’s still making him miss you. And any intoxication like alcohol tends to trigger those core memories. Here are research findings on the same:

  • Alcohol problems increased for those who went from being in an exclusive relationship to being single
  • Relationship dissolution in emerging adults is associated with increases in substance use
  • Ones who experience breakup during the first year of college are more prone to alcohol problems
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more on breakup and loss

11. When he tries to be intimate with someone else

Have you ever heard about soul ties? A soul tie with someone is a deep connection that cannot be explained (like an invisible thread/metaphorical cord tying two people together). This means your ex may still feel tied to you and even dream about you sometimes, even if you’re no longer together.

My friend shared with me, “Why is he texting me after breakup? He still wants to be friends. He is not able to enjoy physical intimacy with anyone else. Why so?” As research points out, the bonding hormone oxytocin is released during sex. And this is why he still feels drawn and tied to you. Having sex with the same person over and over again might end up building a soul-tie-like attachment. And so when he tries to be intimate with someone else, he misses you (since his soul ties to you haven’t been broken).

How Long Does It Take A Man To Realize What He Lost?

My friend Sarah keeps asking me, “He changed his number, will he come back? How long would it for him to realize he made a mistake and come back?” Well, there is no such hard-and-fast rule when it comes to the time frame. It all depends on the following factors:

  • Were you in a relationship for a few weeks or few years? Breakups hit harder in the latter case
  • Were you in a long-distance relationship or spent a lot of time together?
  • Was he in love with you when the breakup happened or did he fall out of love?

Let’s look at the various possible scenarios in greater detail:

1. Long-term relationship

If it was a serious relationship, a guy may miss you immediately and even years after the breakup. It’s very difficult to detach to a person you thought you would marry. A Reddit user wrote, “I still miss ex after 3 years, when does it go away? I still miss then and think of them daily. When does it go away? It really annoys me I still feel this way. I feel like it’s having a negative impact on my life still”.

2. He dumped you

A Reddit user wrote, “When I was the dumper (more than two years ago) I never missed my ex, because they were a bad partner and I was just miserable with them. I had tried to fix the issues and thought about it for a while and I was really sure when I broke up with them.” So, if he dumped you, there’s a possibility that he may treasure your memories but not want you back at all.

Related Reading: 10 Types Of Breakups That Get Back Together With Timelines

3. You dumped him

A Reddit user wrote, “As a dumpee, I reached out to my dumper a day after she dumped. I told her I missed her a lot. She also felt the same way. We’re back like nothing happen. It’s been a week since we got back. So far so good.” Hence, if he was dumped, he will miss you the very next day and even want to get back with you immediately.

4. He cheated

Cheaters may not miss you as a romantic partner. But they will crave your presence when they’re lonely. A Reddit user wrote, “Many serial cheaters are narcissistic or have BPD, in both cases life is movie about themselves and every body else are extras. So they think about you but it is filtered through their mental health issues.”

5. You cheated

When do guys start to miss you after breakup? If you cheated on him, he’s likely to miss you two to five months after the breakup. The initial months will be marked by anger of being betrayed. In the later stages, he will wonder why he was not good enough. On this, a Reddit user wrote, “She cheated on me twice and I miss my cheating ex and her family but I know I shouldn’t.”

6. Casual relationship

Even if it was a casual relationship, the no-contact rule hurts. A Reddit user wrote, “Guys always come back if you don’t contact them. Always. I hear 2-3 months is common. As a man, I have seen almost (but far from) a year. With the no-contact rule, I always see multiple reach outs. The question isn’t if they will reach out, but more will they breadcrumb you, hopefully not. The bread crumbing wastes your time and your life.”

So, is he just bread crumbing or will he come back after breakup? Again, it depends. If one of you cheated, rebuilding love after emotional damage is going to be a complex task. One survey indicates that only 15.6 % of couples can commit to staying together after infidelity. So, before you get back together with your ex, seek advice from your good friends. Also, go through these statistics before making a decision:

  • Studies say that 15% of people won their ex back, 14% got back and broke up again, and 70% never reconnected
  • Evidence suggests ‘lingering feelings’ is why couples who break up and get back together
  • Research shows that cyclical partners (couples in on-and-off relationships) report lower relational quality

Key Pointers

  • When a man breaks up with you, he puts a fake show that he’s unaffected
  • Guys suddenly seem to be in love with their ex when she starts moving on
  • Let him come to you after a breakup by using no-contact rule
  • Men jump into new relationships after a breakup just to realize they didn’t grieve the old ones
  • Guys start missing their ex if the breakup wasn’t their call
  • It can take two weeks or even three months for him to miss you
  • If he gives you mixed signals and uses reverse psychology, he isn’t worth it
  • The most important thing is to protect your own mental health
  • It’s a win-win situation if you give him the green light to move on
  • One way to do so is by letting him go
See also  Should I Break Up With My Girlfriend? 12 Signs You Should

Finally, when do guys start to miss you after a breakup is different to realizing the quantum of the loss. They will miss you first, then build you up in their heads. When guys start to try and date again and realize that there aren’t that many fish in the sea, that’s when a man realizes he lost a good woman. 

Related Reading: 9 Expert Tips To Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself After Breakup

The kind of girl guys regret losing is one who was nurturing, a good person, loving and just clicked when it came to a sense of humor. The idea of dating again can seem exhausting as he’ll have to connect with a different woman all over again and even then it might not last.

Guys will then start remembering the good things about you and how you both connected. He will keep aside the qualities of you he didn’t like. However, if a new relationship does find its way into the guy’s life (which will almost always be after you’ve already moved on), he will not think about you much.

If you’re struggling to come to terms with your breakup and feel like you need some help, Bonobology’s panel of experienced therapists can help you understand how to move on effectively and resume your life.

FAQs

1. Will a guy miss you if you stop texting?

Yes, guys do miss their girlfriends after the no-contact rule. Cut him off, he will miss you. Guys start missing their ex if the breakup was caused by outside influences. But in most other cases guys do tend to miss their girlfriends a little after the woman has already started moving on. This is because guys tend to run away from their feelings and are not great at dealing with the difficult emotions they might have stirring inside of them.

2. Do guys ever realize what they lost?

Yes, guys suddenly seem to be in love with their ex when they try to start dating again. Unless the perfect partner comes into their life without them even trying, which is highly unlikely, they will realize that finding a partner is extremely hard and maybe they let a good girl go. On watching his ex with another person, he may suddenly realize he made a mistake and come back.

3. How do you tell if a guy misses you after a breakup?

When guys start asking your friends about how you’re doing, when they send you an inconspicuous “What’s up?” to see how you’re doing and when they start being less active on social media, are all tell-tale signs of guys missing you after a breakup.
Guys might even send you an “I miss you, I wish I treated you better” message long after the relationship is over too. That’s because they miss the emotional stability and sexual intimacy the relationship brought with it.

4. Will he miss me if he dumped me?

If the relationship was unfruitful and you cheated or did something equally bad, chances are he won’t. However, he will start missing you if the breakup was the guy’s fault. Or if outside influences caused the breakup, or even if it just didn’t work out, chances are he will think about coming back to you. When a man realizes he lost a good woman, he wants to make amends.

The probability of the man acting on those impulses can never be penned down since it depends on how emotionally strong he is or how bad he wants you back. Rest assured, he will at least think about wanting you back.

5. Why does it take guys 8 weeks to miss you?

Most guys tend to run away from their feelings as a defense mechanism. They assume that by never confronting the negative thoughts brewing inside of them, they’ll never have to face them. That is, of course, until they finally acknowledge and accept the breakup and reality hits them like a truck. Though some may take 8 weeks to get there, other can take a lot longer or some may even miss you a few weeks after the breakup.

How To Get Over A Breakup Fast? – 8 Tips To Bounce Back Quickly

How To Get Through A Breakup Alone?

12 Tips To Get Your Ex-Boyfriend Back And Keep Him



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June 27, 2023
284 27 14 minutes read

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